An open letter…

From Ruth Bennett, Babble Talks co-founder
 
I hung up the phone on someone today. I didn’t know how else to protect myself from the person swearing at me. Not just swearing at me, but accusing me of considering her to be an *insert swear word here*. I think that’s worse, isn’t it? Having words you would never use put into your mouth? I hung up but the damage was done.
 
I’m happy to share what they said (without the swearing) because it shows how there can be such a chasm between intention, action and interpretation.
 
They believe that our slogan ‘reclaim your brain’ is offensive to mothers who choose to stay at home, because it shows we think that they are ‘brain-dead ******’.
 
Oof.
 
I’m not going to engage with a stranger who calls me on the phone to tell me that. But I do have some things that I would like to say in response, now I’ve finished having a little cry:

1. Ian, co-founder of Babble Talks, is a stay-at-home dad and this is a fact we are proud of. To those who choose to dedicate their time to being with their child – I applaud you. To those who don’t – I applaud you. The important point we all have in common is choice. (I appreciate that this choice is often fraught with difficulty and frequently financially led. There’s not enough room here to say everything I could on this.)
2. Our events are for parents with babies under 1. It’s not about whether you work or don’t work, it’s about the positive impact that interacting with intellectually stimulating content can have on your wellbeing while you are in the very first months of adapting to new parenthood. This is based on my personal experience – others might not feel this is something they need or want. That is fine.  
3. ‘Reclaim your brain’ is about reclaiming your brain FOR YOU at a time when it is otherwise filled with the preoccupations and challenges of caring for a newborn. In all of our posts we acknowledge that caring for a newborn is challenging. We now know first-hand that caring for a toddler is challenging too. I have no doubt that caring for an older child is also challenging. If the words of my parents are anything to go by, supporting your child as a fully grown adult remains challenging. The intention of our events is not to suggest that caring for another human being is mindless. In fact, it’s the complete opposite.
4. We know how hard it is to find balance when you’re adjusting to new parenthood. So do as many baby-focused activities as you want. But if you feel, like I did, that through having a baby you lost a part of your life that previously brought you happiness, you might find that accessing our events helps you regain it, in a relaxed and inclusive way that doesn’t seek to remove baby from the picture. We seek to normalise a society in which intellectual engagement and caring for a child can happen side by side.

 
If you’re wondering, running a start-up like Babble Talks doesn’t work like a job where someone else pays you. It happens at night mostly, after I’ve finished working, Baby J is asleep and once Ian has had a chance to decompress from his full-time job … of being a dad. Our in-person events are on hold but we are still running online because we believe in what Babble Talks is. Thank you to the many people who have supported, and continue to support us in what we do.

Love, Ruth x